Cover Letter 

The audience I focused my narrative on is for two different groups of people. The first group are people who also deal with anxiety and want to read about the growth of someone who has gotten better at overcoming it in stressful situations. Throughout the essay I talk about my own inner thoughts as a way for a fellow anxious person to find it relatable. My narrative outlines the way I slowly began accepting the uncomfortability of my situations which helped me improve by becoming more accustomed to them. The more you put yourself in uncomfortable situations the more comfortable those situations slowly become. Obviously this takes time and that’s why it is scary. But hopefully if someone reads this and they deal with anxiety it can give them hope that Mr. Ryan gave me to try to overcome it. The second group that this narrative is meant for are those who don’t deal with anxiety as often or already have processes in places to overcome anxiety. Everyone has anxiety, but some people experience it more often and with greater effect than others. My narrative allows someone who doesn’t deal with anxiety as often to get to see into my world and the way I think. 

The most meaningful insight I have gained is that the people around you have a huge impact on your language and literacy. If it wasn’t for Mr. Ryan I wouldn’t have pushed myself as much to actually try to overcome my anxiety and be social. It was Mr. Ryan who would constantly force me to participate in the beginning, and the person who I could talk to about my anxiety. He put me in the uncomfortable situations that I needed in order to improve. Then after that I began putting myself in those uncomfortable situations by choice. During the beginning of the year I was scared to talk to my classmates, but by the end I was able to ask the person next to me to be my partner in the Shark Tank project. For me that was a huge milestone because I was taking things into my own hands. The introduction to literature in English class such as Lord of the Flies and The Handmaid’s Tale was really important because of how I was able to relate to the characters. It made me feel less alone and helped me see how they themselves tried to overcome the terrible situations they were in through courage. Personally I never have read books by choice, so I never would have tried reading literature in order to find something in my life that felt like it understood me.

Purpose has definitely impacted my learning and my writing practices the most. The purpose of this narrative is to show the story arc of someone overcoming anxiety by confronting uncomfortability. Knowing the purpose of my narrative allows me to base a story around it in an easier way. This isn’t only apparent in writing the narrative, but also in life. Knowing your “why” allows you to have a guiding line of what your goal is. That’s what they always say when you’re on the journey to becoming a doctor: remember your why? The purpose served as a guiding line for the narrative and helped me draw on a moment in my life where I dealt with a lot of anxiety, which was when I moved to a new high school in 10th grade. 

This phase has helped me achieve exploring and analyzing in my own and other’s writing a variety of genres and rhetorical situations. During the peer review session where we shared our narratives within our group, I saw two really interesting and different narratives. Areej discussed the ongoing Palestinian-Israel conflict and how it has impacted her life. She discussed her own connection to her homeland and how that connection pushes her to advocate for Palestine through protests. In order to improve her ability to advocate she improved her language skills. This was so different compared to what I wrote as she used many different techniques to convey the passion she feels about ending this conflict, such as through her tone throughout the essay. In Ryka’s essay she discussed the relationship between her and her grandmother, which pushed both of them to explore each other’s cultures and languages. Ryka tried to be more into Indian culture while her grandmother tried to improve her English speaking abilities through apps such as Duolingo. The story really resonated as Ryka conveyed how much her grandmother was trying and how much she cared through the repetition of the quote “I am grandma.” This phase introduced me to two very different genres of writing that each have their own story and twist on how languages/literacy impacted them. 

Using the advice from my peers and Mr. Garfinkel, I went deeper into the key moments that helped me overcome my anxiety. I explained how Mr. Ryan was a role model to me because of how we both dealt with anxiety in our lives. This helped me in my journey to being able to overcome my anxious thoughts, which comes together in my Shark Tank presentation where my growth throughout the year is shown. A clear contrast is shown between how I felt in the beginning of the school year and how I felt by the end, displaying my growth. 

Written Narrative

Anxiety, the feeling of your heart dropping through your chest, while your brain is going a hundred miles per hour. Every thought is filled with “what ifs” and endless possibilities of what could go wrong. These were the only thoughts in my head when I had moved to a new high school in 10th grade. 

I was sitting in the far corner of my English class with my mask on, everyone else conversing about the reading assignment within their groups. “What should I talk about?” “How do I even start a conversation?” “What if they don’t hear me?” “What if I say something stupid.” My head thought of everything that could go wrong if I tried to speak. During this internal discord, my English teacher, Mr. Ryan had approached me, “Do you have anyone to work with?” 

My English teacher Mr. Ryan

My heart felt like it had been stomped on. I could see the pity in his eyes and I hated it. I nodded no and he left me alone. This constant struggle affected me everyday. I hated this anxiety and decided I would avoid it at all costs. In class I focused on getting my work done and at lunch I would just listen to music. But rolling up into a ball and avoiding social interaction only continued to hurt me. Having no one to talk to or anything to look forward to in the school day other than going home. 

I felt all alone, but I wasn’t. In his own little way, Mr. Ryan was trying to help me. For the next few weeks he constantly called on me trying to get me to talk. In discussions he would call on me first and keep asking questions to hear my thoughts. At first I was always terrified, scared of making an idiot of myself — of potentially saying the wrong thing. I was scared of being judged. But the more he called on me the more comfortable I became. It wasn’t just through discussion that Mr. Ryan pushed me, but also through writing. He gave a free write assignment where we could talk about whatever was on our minds. Instantly I was pouring onto the paper everything in my head. Like finally I could get how I felt out into the world. It felt relieving. 

After 20 minutes writing out my life story, Mr. Ryan said it was time to share and present the class a short synopsis of what we had written. My heart dropped. Mr. Ryan called on me first and even though I had my mask on, you could see the fear in my eyes. Talking in front of a large audience sent shivers down my spine. At that moment, I was stuttering, struggling to get my overwhelming thoughts together and even saying a cohesive sentence. Mr. Ryan noticed and told me to breathe and take a second to focus. It felt like a spotlight was on me, exposing my anxious vulnerability to the world. 

I focused on my essay, remembering what I had written and poured all my effort into. I had the words right in front of me, I just needed the strength to say it. I took a deep breath and realized if I mess up it’s okay, I just need to try my best. I started speaking and at one point I wasn’t even thinking, the words were just coming out of my mouth. The anxious thoughts that always hoarded me had disappeared just for those few minutes. I wasn’t thinking, I was just doing.

In English class through our discussions I was able to put myself out there more and more. Through the books we read I was able to find characters that related to how I felt. Piggy, one of the characters in the Lord of the Flies, was ignored and never felt included in the larger group. Serena Joy, from The Handmaid’s Tale, always felt alone in the beginning because she never had anyone to talk to about what she was going through. Both these characters were experiencing loneliness like I was.  I found solace within these two stories because it felt like I wasn’t the only one going through this. 

 After that day, I started taking more charge in class. As I began raising my hand more, I realized that speaking about the books we read — such as Lord of the Flies — allowed me to engage in an easier way. I could express thoughts that were locked behind my anxiety through the topics of the book, and sharing them felt empowering. This allowed me to gradually gain the confidence to start conversing with the people around me about the classwork. It didn’t go anywhere the first few times, but I just needed it to work once. This period marked significant growth in my life. Despite the initial discomfort and isolation, I began to understand how language could be a tool to overcome my internal discord.  

Mr. Ryan was someone that I could talk to about anything. After every class, I would go up to him and just ask him the most randomest questions. He was like a role model to me because he knew what it was like to deal with anxiety. We didn’t talk about it 1 on 1, but he had done a speech in class about dealing with anxiety when he was growing up and how he tries to overcome it everyday. He said that this was his first actual year of teaching and the first day of school he was terrified. He had to talk to an entire class of high schoolers and make sure they were actually learning. 

During the last month of school our final English project was creating an invention and presenting it in front of judges, similar to the show Shark Tank. Unlike the beginning of the year, I decided I wasn’t just going to sit in the corner afraid to talk to anyone. I asked the person next to me, Jake James, who would go on to become one of my closest friends, if he wanted to be partners for the project. We went on to create the Wheelie, a sports drink shaped like a wheel perfect to enhance any athletes or average person’s workout. We presented in front of three judges, one of them being the principal of our school. When Jake and I were called up to present I took a deep breath to calm myself. Don’t get me wrong my heart was still beating insanely fast, but I didn’t let it get to me during the presentation. I was going back and forth with the judges whenever they asked questions, and even made the class chuckle with some jokes (personal win). 

The ad for my Shark Tank invention, Wheelie

After the presentation ended, the judges ruled they would invest in our product. I was so happy with the presentation and how I stayed collected throughout it. After class, Mr. Ryan came up to me and said “You have grown so much this year Roop, I am so happy for you.” These words from Mr. Ryan meant so much to me because he was a role model to me. He knew what it was like to deal with anxiety.  We talked about dealing with anxiety and how he tries to overcome it everyday. It was his first actual year of teaching and during the first day of school he was terrified. He had to talk to an entire class of high schoolers and make sure they were actually learning. The presentations I would do every once in a while, he would do everyday. Even though he was my English teacher, I found it really easy to relate to him and that only lessened my feelings of loneliness. 

In the end, Mr. Ryan’s English class wasn’t just about speaking up, but learning how language could help me overcome my fears. Through reading, writing, and discussion, I found the confidence to express my thoughts and push my anxiety to the side. The uncomfortability was what led to my growth. Looking back I have changed so much as a person since then. I have continued journaling in my notes app and my ability to be social has increased drastically. The anxiousness hasn’t disappeared and I don’t think it ever will. But I have the courage now to push past it and show my true self to others.